I consider myself quite pretty. Everyone gets so surprised when they hear that I don't have a boyfriend, and even more astounded when they hear that I have absolutely zero romantic experience.
To make things clear, I'm 100% straight. I had a high school crush J but I've never had any direct contact with him except the few times that I sneaked glances at him when he's on stage. He's real charming and a total gentleman, though not very handsome. Christian guy, nice smile. And did I mention he takes real pretty pictures of me? (Part of his photography duty, not cos he likes me lol)
I was real nerdy back then, and absolutely ugly. Don't know how I survived those high school years looking so ragged especially with all those hand-me-downs from my 30+ cousins, boys and girls alike. Yes, I wear unisex clothing most of the times.
Now I've become much prettier though not as pretty as movie stars of course. I am still cautious when it comes to relationships. When guys (especially friends) try to flirt with me, I usually reply with a nonchalant confidence that throws them off or send them packing their bags. I give off the "I don't care and I don't give a shit" vibe all the time and that scares people off. If I'm not sure if I liked that person, I'd keep my distance until I get my feelings sorted out.
Talking about this, my high school friend K flew back for CNY celebrations earlier this year. He asked me out to celebrate his cousin's birthday (also one of my high school friends) together with A. So there were four people in total, 3 guys and me. At first when he said we'll be going to get some alcohol, I was wary cos (i) I don't drink and (ii) I don't know what's gonna happen if I get drunk and (iii) I don't usually go out at night cos my mom's always paranoid that I'll get date-raped or gang-raped or something unless I say that I'm with my BFF Rachel.
When K said it's a birthday party I thought it'd be rude to not join (plus considering the fact that he's flying off soon), so I said ok. He asked me whether he should come and pick me up, I said yes (cos my driver's license was expired). I talked to my mom, telling her to postpone the curfew to 12am for me.
We first went to Secret Recipe to grab some cakes. He asked me which one I liked, and I pointed to almost all except Chocolate Indulgence (had this one for so many times I don't really like it anymore) and Durian Cake (never tried this but it tasted like real durian).
I half-expected he's gonna bring me to a disco (not sure if we had one in Sitiawan). But it turned out to be a pretty normal bar setting. I felt much better then. We chatted a bit and waited for the other 2 to arrive.
Once they arrived, we ate the cake and ordered drinks. A asked me whether I drink alcohol and I said no. So he got me apple cider. We talked a lot as we haven't met each other for 6 years since graduation.
After that we switched places to a mamak stall where we continued till 4am in the morning talking about everything under the sun moon. Then K sent me back home. My mom and dad were waiting in the living room (wth scared me shitless). They gave me a good scolding following that.
K asked me out again the second day, and I went out. There was another friend present.
Third night he asked me out again but I was so tired that day I said no.
Fourth night, I thought since it'll be the last night he's here I might as well treat him to supper or something since he belanja me on the second day. He said they were at home and asked me to go over. The whole fam-bam was there playing mahjong and poker. After that we chit-chatted with K's cousins who had some great "adventures" in US.
Then it was almost 1am and I told them I gotta go (I was real sleepy by then) so K sent me out. We talked a bit, he hugged me and said bye.
After that, he was back in US and we chatted a bit on Whatsapp and FB messenger. It seemed like he was flirting with me at times but I chose to ignore that. TBH he looks quite good now that he's had his hair cut, and he has a way of making me laugh so that's a plus point too.
Then at one point of time he asked me if I had any experience making out with guys before and I said no. Then he's went, "would you like to try making out with me to get some experience?" and I didn't know what to reply. So I consulted my love guru JS, who told me that he probably wanted to test me out if I am open enough to be in a non-romantic physical relationship, slowly working his way towards FWB (friends with benefit: friends who have sex with each other without emotional attachment).
At that moment I was so disappointed in him but I still wanted to be in good terms with him so I politely declined saying I wasn't feeling comfortable with where this conversation was going, and I'm not interested to be engaged in a FWB relationship. Then he replied that he was just joking and it's normal in America. Later, he apologized and said he didn't mean to be disrespectful towards me.
I thought he was cute before, and he was probably a little interested in me. But I don't simply kiss guys just like that ok. I will only (probably) kiss someone who's in a real romantic relationship with me. As cute as he is, if he's just trying to get me as a spare tire or temporary physical service provider then I'd just politely say f**k off.
When I told HY about it, HY was like, "this guy's so stupid, so potong stim (killjoy)." Cos I was admittedly quite interested in him before this incident occurred.
Maybe K's gonna think I'm a freaking prude but I gotta reiterate this. I am pro-choice. I believe in basic human rights (and needs, lol) and personal liberty/freedom of choice. So I don't care who you are, you can do whatever you want as long as it's not unlawful. I will acknowledge it and still respect you because it's your right guaranteed under the Federal Constitution. Nevertheless, I think if a guy really likes you, he should make a move and ask you for a formal relationship and not just some friend to make out with.
